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Fuck The Industry (Signed Sincerly)
By eclectik | November 25, 2008
“I’ll never be picture perfect Beyonce Fly like J-Lo
Or singing baby like ‘Shanti I barely comb my hair
Yea that’s on a good day…I don’t care what the hood say
I ain’t street like Keyshia Ain’t never tried to be
And I got soul in my soul But not quite like Mary
Ain’t nothing really R&B about me”
Men don’t wear parts in their hair anymore
…unless they’re some time of jerkface
A woman has to be really attractive to rock a widows peak…its bad enough women don’t have hairlines
Those are always weird lookin…you know they mean that the woman would outlive her husband
Well guess what? I WERE a boy…and it wasn’t that bad…kinda rocked.
You know what? We got like a Black President and stuff…I bet no matter how good and qualified he was he wouldn’t have been elected if his name were Leroy
…I just couldn’t imagine President Leroy
HOWEVER I think I want summa the new White House Social Secretary!
Thanx Rack!
So I hear the Blackberry Storm is impressive…not as impressive as what me got but its cool…what say you guys? You don’t have it yet?
I’m a little Chilly…no one to warm me up eefer…mannn
What about BBQ Turkey?
That could be taste to the e right?
Pretty much Ariel…that’s all I need
Happiez?
Yes yes yall, yes yes yall it’s electik with the blog and its fresh yall
I’ll tell you why cuz it’s the best yall
From the North south east to the west yall
I just get annoyed then I ignore
Bubble Yum or Hubba Bubba? Hmmmm…
I don’t know…people say all they want but Sheree can SOOO get it off me, that skin and those arms and back…YEP
…too bad I aint got a lump sum
I think this edition of the Yonce media onslaught and CD has really calmed down the fans…kinda realizing she’s lost a little
Look damnit…if Single ladies is NOT Get Me Bodied Pt 2 the Remix then I don’t know what is
…You want Edgy Sasha…talk to Rihanna…want Different…talk to little sis
I don’t like music anymore
Do you need to trim your “area”? Yep you do…it’s all furry
She Bop!
I am worth Tens of dollars!
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
Nestle Crunch bars are usless and kinda nasty…too thin
Take me shoppin…AND buy me somefin
This is what I will say…feel free to disagree…
Noemie Lenoir is one of the most beautiful women in the history of women
Long hair…short hair…No hair…don’t matter THAT’S when you’re beautiful
You know who’s in the top 10 most influential Bloggers?
ME!
The NBA has started…BOY do I not care…so not interesting
Same with NCAA Basketball…wake me up in March…THEN I fux witcha
Mannnn aint no string in dem beans!
No! You know who I wanna fight?
That lead singer guy on the free creditreport.com commercials! I loathe him!
All kinds of Solange on the rotation…and guess what to the else?
NEW CLAUDIA JORDAN AND FRIENDS!
How come women play with men’s minds and emotions? That’s not nice.
This Thanksgiving, if someone reaches for the piece of turkey or Pie you want…shoot them the “NeNe eye”
“Awww yea
Ooh here we go again
People talking shit
But when the shit hits the fan
Everything I’m not
Makes me everything I am”
Topics: The Randomness | 12 Comments »
I Think I think: Stingayyy
By eclectik | November 24, 2008
“I start to think, and then I sink into the paper; like I was ink…
When I’m writing I’m trapped in between the lines…
I escape, when I finish the rhyme.”
This weekend? Feh
No frills…yall dont care no way lol
Almost 2009…you know what that means…
My apartment is WAY better than yours
What happens if you find someone that seems too good to be true?
…same likes and dislikes and same quirks and the stuff that NO ONE likes but you; they like…and yadda yadda
That’s cool no?
Solange is more interesting and soulful than Yonce.
…the latest CD is betterz too
Mannnn why when you are chillin at your place in socks you always manage to step in something wet?
I mean Ashanti…I like the size of the thighs…but her legs are not sexy.
…her shape either
I need a couple of accessories
Let me hold your calculator…what’s 1 x 502?
…I can do it never mind, lemme see…1 goesinta…carry the 5…plus pi..Remainder 2
24 was on last night! YES! Jack Bauer you emmefferz!
No, I was watching 24 and they had the inauguration for the President on there…and ALL those damn people!!!!
I don’t think I can do it…I couldn’t imagine being in the middle of all that
People all standing…prolly cold..They pushin and snottin and you don’t get to see nuffin
And I hear you can’t take Cameras and stuff
I live less than 10 minutes away and it would prolly take me 5 hours to and from LOL
…mannn I dunno
Top Chef was good yet again! I liked the Hot Dog Challenge…and my girlfriend still looks evil and possessed
And Sideshow Orlando Joan is still…
I’m startin to feel left out…everyone has children
…but I’m cool with being left out
Damnit. The McDonalds song…the R&B commercial joint?
WHO Authorized this?
…caught you dippin? But not…don’t be Stingaaaaaay
Guess what’s coming?!?
Thanksgiving.
I aint going nowhere, I aint doin nuffin…I’m going to hit Best Buy get
Wall e, Hancock, The Hulk, maybe 2 other movies I aint seent yet
Get me some liquors…some groceries and I’m gonna Chill
Odwalla is NOT Naked…Naked is WAY to the better
…Naked is the Official Drank of eclectik-relaxation
I wish Naked was the official state of women at eclectik-apartment-ation
Kim from Real Housewives is posing for Playboy? Ummmm
You know I LOVE legs and thighs…so you KNOW what I think about…
DAMNIT!
Somebody come and have email sex with me…send me some sexy talk and pictures 
Strawberry fields forever…
Topics: I think I think | 8 Comments »
Your Answers: The Questionz
By eclectik | November 21, 2008
“In my particular style, I rhyme a while
Then I crack a smile, then I change again
Now say, hypothetically, that I am medically
insane, then why are you still my friend?”
Hey, you asked I’m answerin…I am! Honest and for true!…no…see watch…read…
Buckhead:
Why did Sheree lie and say Kim has a beautiful voice?
The Producers told her to…OR Sheree got her lump sum stuffed in her ears
Do you eat spinach?
Nope, and I dont wanna…I might end up with a cockeye and Big ass forearms for no aparent reason
Have you ever gotten a whoopin’?
If yes, do you remember what the last whoopin’ was for?
Yes, prolly for sayin something smart.
Do own any Iron Man sheets?
Nope, that’s gay…I want some spongebob ones
Do you think boys should have a Super Sweet 16 party?
I think if said boy is “super Sweet” sure.
You ever been cursed out?
No, they no better…Im gangsta.
Do you pray often?
Not often…
Do you sing in your ride?
Hell yeah, I’m a regular TJ Swan
You think you can beat me in a game of chess?
I can beat you in anything cept havin more estrogen and tittayballz
…which aint bad at….all.
How often do read The Bible?
Not often at all..dont even own one.
Are you a sore loser?
Nope, but should I ever lose I will let you know for sure
Are you going to limit the amount of questions I can ask?
Nope, cuz Im done after one more
You think you all that?
No, but a big majority of that.
…………………………..
cuzkaysaidso:
Do you have any siblings?
Nopes
Can you make me a mixtape? Please?
Sure, what you want on it?
Would you date a funny, cool, laid back, sexy ass vegan who works for PETA and thinks meat is murder?
Sure…does she like TV, shopping, and board games? I’ll blindfold her whilst I consume my yummy Steak carcass
Can you swim?
Nope…that makes you ashy.
If you could have one celebrity blog stalker that reads everyday, who would it be?
Oprah, then I could be on her Blog of the Year show
…other than that any one of my top 10
Hey O…what do you think about that????
…awww man, dang!
…………………………..
Lovnlife
How often do you visit Ohio?
Not often at all…I used to hit it a few times a year but …it’s gotten boring and dangerous…mad friends gettin popped
So peoples gotta come visit me!
What’s the last CD you purchased?
New Amerykah…my BABY!
If you had to choose between the Board and the Blog? Which one and why?
The Board
Because more activity, actual discussion, more intereaction…a lot of times I get played on blog posts
…the board has it’s fair share of lurkers too though
Are you as elusive offline as you are online?
A lot of people might say that…depends on your defintion of “elusive”
reclusive, yeah…I dont require much, dont aspire to be out and about much…just wanna be content and happy
(and shop, watch football, play games, and eff allnite)
What motivates you…besides money.
Wow. ummm…well ummm Credit?
LOL
I’m motivated by a sense of accomplishment, and the fact that afterwards I can chill
If that makes any sense
otherwise…
C.R.E.A.M
YAY look at my 3 bestest readers of all time!
Defintely my offical favorites
come over and lets kiss and stuff
“In my particular way, I like to say, HEY
to the people as I go by
If I’m actin polite and I say it alright
Then explain to me why you don’t say, hi?”
Topics: About eclectik | 9 Comments »
I Like
By eclectik | November 19, 2008
“My dreams are now reality
Each and every time you are here with me”
One of the WORST things about female company? They leave hair in the bathroom…ugh!
Long as hairs on the floor…ewwww
You know what you do? Get to Popeye’s right when they open…the fresh spicy wings? BOY!
Look
What if someone’s sex was so good you couldn’t help but to get up and do the whole Thriller dance naked right afterwards?
Why is “Debt” Pronounced “Det”? ..What the hell is that “B” Doing?
…get out of here! Maybe I can get President Obammer on that…to get rid of it
Women
You may be interested in knowing that “Groove Me” buy guy is MY #1 favorite R&B song of all time
I’ve been doing some redecorating…I got an eye…come see
I’m bout to be in Jersey…who’s gonna show me round?
…at LEAST I get me some White Castle! YES!
Redman and Method man are making Blackout 2 I say YES!
Condi got some gunz…kinda seck c…she can get it
Lemme borrow some cheetos till tomorrow
I wanna sex a Latina…dont know any
I never want a foot massage
Orange highlighters are sweet
Peep out the shoes! HOT-NESS!
You cant dye your hair when you’re pregnant
Why come when you’re getting something out of the vending machine, when you’re looking for how much something costs, you do the knees bend back move instead of bending over to look?
I love money…it’s the best
You know who I wanna fight? Will.I am
What kina soap you use? Does anyone use bar soap anymore?
…hard ass slippery bar soap, then again I also use a loofa poof
Do we like the Tommy shoes?
..should I get?
Pepperoni is tasty…if someone never liked the taste of pepperoni then they stank in the face
Sex and the City : The Movie…The Sequel is coming
I’m racist versus Hispanic Comedians…they suck to me
Guess what? I’m brown
My thighs and hands are cold.
Do women really care how a man feels about anything? I don’t think they do.
I WAS gon wait to get the Storm…but I didn’t
Yall get it and the G1 and tell me if they are super sweet or not
I have NO idea who Vanessa is but DAMNIT!!
You have to look in amazement.
I want a new everything…I need a new everything
Why is it so hard to find someone to keep me company…I aint that mean and stanky…*sniff* am I? I can do shirt and sock laundry
Somebody come peel me some tatoes and make me some frenfries
“When i’m with you there is no other
A spell you got me under
Please don’t you leave, i’m on my hands and knees”
Topics: The Randomness | 10 Comments »
I think I think: Groove M’e’
By eclectik | November 17, 2008
“Even if it’s only for awhile
Enjoy this good loving with a smile”
The weekend?
I dunno…interesting
Guess what?
Against what I thought I wanted…and even though I didn’t want it for the longest
Even though I never really cared…AND even though I have a Samsung Instinct…
I bought an iPhone.
wOw why didn’t you guys tell me they were the greatest!?!
…never been an apple person but…whooo!
I was just gonna get an ipod touch, but…alls I know is THIS phone is wow.
Desperate Housewives is back!
WHY is DL Hugley on CNN?
Kyle is one guy that blogs I really fux with on a consistent basis…by that I mean he types stuff I can relate to or want to read
…it’s prolly the hip hop and the randomness
But with all that said, peace out to Charles, Rawdawg, and Darius Dub!
Alls I’m saying is my biggest fans do impressions of me
I’m just saying…I LOVE to fry fish but it be stankin my apt for 2.5 days
…and I want some dang fish…ugh
Ladies…don’t give men “handjobs” without mowf…we are pros at it, it’s impossible for you to be as effective lol
I never ever ran from the Klu Klux Klan, and I shouldn’t have to run from a black man, cuz its…
You know what I always hated? The Frilly pieces from spiral paper
My stomach hurts…come run it in a circular motion
Hold up!
Hold up!
It ain’t over!
I thought y’all didn’t like the randomness?
It’s not over!
blog’s not over!
YES Top Chef is bizzack! Love that show
The Chefs are good so far…no pieces of ass
Radhika could’ve been but she looks evil
And it couldn’t be Carol cuz she looks like Orlando Jones, Joan Clayton and Sideshow Bob
I would get some cheddar and take a glock and make it swiss
Birthdays so doesn’t matter past like 21…maybe 30 (people make that a big deal) but other than that…feh
Quantum or Solace was Good! JAMES BOND!!!!!
The sequel to The Coldest Winter Ever is out…I don’t know how to read but I know
NOW I want some Crab legs…gimme; Alaskan King Crab
Lotta people that listen to the rotation, don’t know what speedy look like…
I will be BFF’s with whoever knows about Galaxy Glue and where it comes from!
I got NO props for the is you is…how DARE you!
Yall be lyin…why lie?
Funniest show on TV? Family Guy
…cool wHip
Making em happy
Hold up! Hold up! It ain’t over!
I thought y’all didn’t like the randomness?
It’s not over!
Topics: I think I think | 12 Comments »
Wait.What: Uh Oh
By eclectik | November 15, 2008
What’s so scary about Spaghettio’s? Why is it so damn “Uh Oh”?
Who’s in trouble?
I’d be all like ….HEY These are mine! I opended the can, heated them up…and now it’s just me and my O’s
So if you dont like it…tough Tit-Tay
Uh Oh…I’ll Punch you in the Mowf!
Wait what?
Honestly…I’ve never eaten them before…but I know people use to get them in…why am I thinking about them?
Why do I think of anything I type?
Now sing it…Uh Oh…
Topics: Wait.What | 7 Comments »
Shortncurly
By eclectik | November 13, 2008
Remember yellowfrontz and H8nonpooh ???
If not…then click and read…DANG!
…anywho.
Well…
Mannnn Aint nothin worse than getting up from your desk, full of “I gotta go” -ness on yo fayce
Get to the rest room (Cuz it aint no dang bathroom when you aint at home) And as soon as you open the door
the smell is like…
I’m like ewwwwwww
Especially if my mowf is open, it’s prolly all in there now.
Then you gotta hold your breath and go…and then that one sniff gets in…ewwww
And you know somebody is either sittin in there just grinnin with a big ass ‘I smell like collards and ointment’ toothy ass grin on they face
You should be ashamed of yourself…OR you should be exhumed
Dont bother shakin the handle or stompin yo stankin feet so I wont come into that stall…I dont want no PARTS of that part of the restroom
…aint nowhere to rest no more
I’ma go downstiars and use the other floor’s joint…I’ll leave you to yo pooh pooh heaven.
You know it’s bad when you semll what’s doin While you’re walking down the hall TO the restroom
like that green smoke is coming from under the door with the “come here” finger like the old Scooby Doo cartoon
My nose be like No my brotha, you gots to get yo own
I heard women can be extra trife too…like snaitary napkins all out (used) and poo puddles and stuff
And it be like smellin like
Like damn Cadaver crotch!
I remember walking past the ladies room one day and said: “It smells like a bad date in there”
You know what you never have to worry about ladies?
The urinal!
Mannnnnnnn now when I get a house I’m so gettin one
BUT this is what you women DONT see! Okay, you know how they work right? Right.
But how is it that I go up to one…and it be short and curlies on the damn urinal?
Like what kinda Fluffly ass shag rug men have down there that hair escapes and lands on the urinal?
How close are you getting to the damn thing? Are they makin sweet love to that muhfuka when aint nobody in there
like…you aint supposed to feel the water on yo ballz homeboy
What if women used urinals…they’d put like stirups on there..and you could swing and pee
…be like weeee! (literally)
And people be spending MAD time in there…how do you do that?
I dont want to spend NO time in the public restroom…I dont want to touch anything…I dont want my clothes to touch anything
ewwww
I turn on faucets with the heel of my hand
I open the door with a paper towel
Flush with a knuckle
I’m saying though…how the short and curlies get on the urinal?
OHHHH! And what about when you go to the stalls and it’s short and curlies on the bowl
Was Animal Muppet in this muhfuk?
Or like you go in th stall and there’s “leftovers” in there like…
Ewwwww!
What home-training-less, ingrate ass primate forget to flush or has so much ass-spackle allupenem that a flush or two wont do?
…and hey look back there before you leave!
Anywhoo…
What about anypoo?
What about Poo Poo Cu choo?
What about Pooh Bear?
Or Poo dat peekin in my window?
wait.
What?
K, I’m done
Topics: The Randomness | 12 Comments »
Haylaideez tail mii II
By eclectik | November 12, 2008
Again…I love women (we know this) and I dont get into the business of assuming, plus I love how the woman mind works
So I ask…
Hey ladies…
What’s more annoying/tedious to do? Shave the legs or Shave the Hey nanner nanner?
Ever masturbate laying on your stomach?
Ass smack or Hair pull? And what is the feeling of them??
Rank these:
Skinny jeans
Belted dresses
High-waisted pants
Why do women wear wigs?
…you have hair…the Celebs have hair…why the wigs? Can’t be that lazy right?
What if the guy is the size and width of a empty tissue roll…is that acceptable?
Bath and Body works or The Body Shop?
If you are truly preggo (and not just a Fatty McFatfat) is it okay for a stranger to come up and say congratulations?
Do you really believe if you make a man chase or wait he’ll respect you more/The relationship will last longer?
Are you looking for a sponsor? Would you be opposed to one right now?
What would you rather have?
Perfect breasts, Perfect Ass, Perfect legs, or Perfect waist/Stomach?
Why?
What’s worse? Getting your braids in or getting them taken out?
So scale of 1-10 What’s the lowest you’d date?
…Now what would he have to be if he was your height?
How do you pick out earrings?
Nipples: Licked or Sucked (Lightly) if you had to pick one
If your Nanner NuNu was a tad malodorous would you want the guy to tell you or play it off?
Have you had sex on the first date? Is it really that big of a deal?
Topics: The Randomness, Hey Ladies | 8 Comments »
Single Life
By eclectik | November 11, 2008
“Now I don’t want anybody
To get the wrong idea about me
I don’t have nothing to hide
I want the world to see”
I LOVE That verse
I’m single…so? It’s not all bad…cept when I aint got no hey nanner nanner or DVD/Scrabble/Wii dates
…but what can you do?
wait.
Word?
You eat beets?
I’m stubborn.
Does anyone like man feet and man toes?
…I met one woman that did…I was all like ewwwww no!
Kyle, If they were both single and all things equal Amerie gets its…the legs the smile and the wardrobe.
What you want to tell me?
Obama has to be the most rock star President since JFK…this will be a interesting 4 years
DID you know that Will Smith TURNED DOWN the role of Neo in The Matrix to do Wild Wild West?
Bravo is the dopest channel right now: Runway, Top Design, Top Chef
I’m just saying…Doesnt matter how the hair looks, she’s just…sigh
NATASHA HASTINGS!
Myspace is only fun to talk to celebs…
When people are laughing, I like to walk up to them with the serious face and tell them to shut they trap
A woman with big nipples makes me weak…oooooh and IF you add big olas? The weakness.
I want a hat that costs $225 and a scarf that costs $225 …I’m not going to get either… I dont think.
I’m convinced that anyone from anyplace that ends in “berg, burg, or burgh” sucks.
What about this book?
Who makes the better CD? Musiq or Anthony Hamilton
NOW I want to own the Blackberry Storm… damnit!
Lemme borrow 3 Gummi savers till payday
I’m a VERY good host, when you come over and stuff…I treat people right cept I aint got nobody to invite over
You know who’s dope? Jackie Edwards.
…here’s three reasons why: Reason 1, Reason 2, and Reason 3
Ladies is this really sexy?
YOU KNOW…if I had different genetics and a totally different body I would look JUST like that.
…so there :p
“Every little thing you do
Makes me smile
And if I had my way, baby
I’d drive you up the wall
I’d take you through the pages
One by one
I don’t wanna get too serious
I just like having fun”
Topics: The Randomness | 10 Comments »
I think I think: Purrrfrumps
By eclectik | November 10, 2008
“Girl, I’ve been trying to say, now.
You look so sweet,
And you’re so doggone fine.
I just can’t get you out of my mind.”
Mann this weekend? Feh.
…gotta do better
Fat meat is greasy
Not a lot of questions? eh. Cool.
I want like a woman to dress up like a cheerleader…with no undies on and come cheer for me…okay just shake it a little…no just stand there and strip…k, just give it
I dunno…gettin a little tired of it
Prince week was not a success, but my Top 10 rocked! Prolly best one ever
I got AC/DC on my ipod..now what dun?
I will DEFINTELY be going to the movies either Friday or Saturday…haven’t been in a while; definitely will have to go alone
UNLESS someone wanna go??????
Hairy legs is a QUICK turn off…ewwww stain master ass limbs
I’m TOO good of a friend.
Ya’ll got any Onion rings? Lemme hold a couple
Dance your cares away, …working’s for another day.
I haven’t purchased shoes in a while…hmmmm
I’m about to get on match.com for real now…this sucks
Guess what people are gettin me for Christmas? nothin.
The lower the sound, the worse the fart smells
…and why is it called “fart”? It cant be because of the way that it sounds, cuz in that case it would be called:
Purrrfrumps or sissssssss or bewurrrpt or ffffrunnnnghnt
Like Ewwwwww who ffffrunnnnghnted?
You know…shackles on your feet indeed would keep you from dancing
My humor is lost on tons of people
What’s more gooder? Target or Amazon.com?
I forgot to tell you guys about my NEW #1 Favy drank! (How you let me forget???)
It’s NAKED!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH they are so taste to the e
Havent ran into a bad flavor yet…dont bite and start drinking them either.
Get off my dick nigga and tell yo bitch ta come here.
Okay I saw it again someone had a blog post and typed 3 words…got like 50 comments…me no getit
Notice that younger people skin isn’t as clear as older peoples?
OH you gon check yo voice mail on speaker phone? fuktard.
You know…if you think about it; Tongue kissin is nastay
If you were as broke as I am, you’d be all like…dang Im broke.
eff all that…they gon get shorter
Lets all get some wine and sang!
“I need you to sock it to me, mama.
Come on and groove me, baby.”
Topics: I think I think | 7 Comments »
