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The BoDerek
By eclectik | April 29, 2009
Okay…you know how people rank people on a scale 1-10?
It’s never anything concrete…like a good way to do it…
Since I have nothing better to do (and a twisted head) I’m coming up with a way to figure it out…this is still in construction
So far I’ve come up with….
Women:
ADD
Your Bra Cup Size (A=1, B=3, C=4, D=2, Over D=.5)
+3 For a 6 or 4 pack stomach
+2 For Toned shape (legs, waist, and arms)
+2 For Graduate Degree
+2 For initiating the first move or hanging out
+2 If you like/Follow Football
+2 Just because gifts
+1 For pretty/Clear/Soft skin
+1 For keeping your hair done
+1 For more than 10 pairs of heels and Sneakers
+1 For Sense of humor/Likes to joke around
+1 For College Degree
+1 sending sexy pictures, texts, emails
+1 For understanding and giving “space”
+1 For “Swallowing”
+1 For being comfortable ‘goofy’ and talking all day about nothing at all
+.5 For appreciating and liking “Old School Hip Hop, Soul and R&B”
+.5 For paying the bill sometimes
+.5 For Cooking
+.5 For Baking
SUBTRACT
-3 For Credit Score 600 and below
-2 For being constantly late/running behind
-2 For not liking to shop
-2 For being stuck in old fashioned ways
-2 If you smoke
-2 For Visual raised stretch marks on breasts and/or stomach
-2 For Shopping at Rave
-2 For seeking out sponsors or men to support them
-2 For being “clingy”
-2 For a Job Paying less than $50,000
-2 For Back Fat
-2 For enjoying today’s Rap music …-4 for knowing all the words to any ‘Lil Anyone’s’ songs (cept Kim)
-2 For being super Afro-Centric/Pro black all the time
-2 For excessive cursing
-1 For being overly emotional
-1 For wearing wigs
-1 Yellow eyes, oversized facial features, Out of control eyebrows, eye bags and dark circles
-1 For pouting to get your way
-1 For self confessed High Maintainence
-1 For not knowing your credit score
-1 For Children
-1 If you only get your hair done every other month
-1 For makeup other than lip gloss/glass
-1 For Weekly Clubbin
-1 Acne, Fuked teeth, and varicose veins
-1 If you cannot cook
-1 If your stomach extends past your breasts
***************************************************************
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Men:
ADD
1/2 the length of the penis (inches)
+2 For a graduate degree
+2 for a job paying over $70,000
+1 For College degree
+1 For Credit Score above 700
+1 Consistent grooming (Hair, Beard, nails)
+1 Remembers Birthdays
+1 For a Career instead of a Job
+.5 For Goals/Aspirations/Dreams
+.5 If you can cook
+.5 If you can hold a conversation on a wide range of topics
+.5 For having a dependable vehicle
+.5 Can admit being wrong
+.5 Does Laundry
+.5 Keeps a clean home
+.5 If you like to shop
SUBTRACT
-3 For not taking care of your children or having more than 2 children
-2 For “Moobs”
-2 for no degree
-2 For Credit Score 600 and below
-2 For fear of Commitment
-2 For fuked/Jacked teeth
-2 For being super Afro-Centric/Pro black all the time
-2 For playing video games more than watching TV or Movies
-2 For flashing money or trying to buy love
-2 For a job paying less than $50,000
-2 If your stomach is 2 inches over your belt or past your chest
-2 For liking Lil Wayne or T-Pain
-1 For not knowing your credit score
-1 For being undependable
-1 For not having a savings account
-1 For Not having a Checking account
-1 For having less than $500 in your savings account
-1 For enjoying a night of dancing
-1 For Smoking
-1 for acne
-1 For not being able to swim
-1 For not wanting to travel
-1 For not willing to try new things
-1 For working in food service
-1 For working in retail that’s not part time
-1 For crusty lips and constant ashiness
-1 if you’re under 5′-10″ (Cuz women trip off that)
-1 if you’re living with your parents rent free
-1 If you wear your pants 2 sizes too big and/or below your waist.
-1 For having roomates
-1 Yellow eyes, oversized facial features, Out of control eyebrows, eye bags and dark circles
-1 For not liking sports…
-1 For Gold fronts, Face/Neck Tattoos (-5 for Foot, Calve and Small of the back)
-1 For no Cell
-1 For no Home Computer
Problem is there’s a lot of honesty needed
So then after all of that it may be WAY over 10 (esp if people arent honest) see so if it’s over 10 or like a negative number
THEN when/if it’s over 10 cut it in 1/2 and THATS what you are give or take .5 LOL
How/why do I come up with stuff like this?
fyi…according to this I’m an 8 so I KNOW it’s flawed
Topics: The Randomness | 9 Comments »
April 29th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Oh, E.
*sigh*
“Swallowing” a +1? Hell nah! That should be a +5. I don’t give a DAMN whether it’s enjoyed or not… +5!
What you got against a little mascara on the lashes?
Will you define getting the “hair done” because surely you’re not suggesting walking around w/ french rolls and pin curls gelled to the top of the head, are you?
And why can’t a man enjoy a night of dancing?
You so crazy!
April 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Im gonna miss your crazy blog E, not to mention the dope playlist. I don’t even know how I got hip to your blog, but the music kept me coming back.
You even introduced me to Ledisi!!! nuf said!
and yeah . . what the hell’s wrong with a night of dancing??
April 30th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
This is like the SATs lol
I did the 1st part then I saw the subtract and was like sorry I’ll pass (get it, I pass!!!)
April 30th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I’m a 9 …. hmmmmmm
I LOVE eye make up – when it’s done right …
April 30th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
fuk that!
My DD’s at 10’s!
and my attention span is far too short for me to go any further with this.
April 30th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
actually I went back and did this…
and if you’re truthful, you will probably have a negative score…
I’m a negative 2.5 on your scale e…but we both know that in reality I am more so an 8.5 or higher.
May 1st, 2009 at 10:32 am
Damn!!! I’m not as hot as I thought. LMAO!!!
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Hey E,
WOOOHOOOO I’m a 9.5…. lol this is flawed. I’m at least an 11. LMBO!!!
I think my good no matter the #. That was fun!!!
Some of the minus were hilarious!!!!!!!!
May 4th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
You kill me oh so softly everytime with some of your quirks this by far is one of the funniest posts I have read in a very long time. Thanks for “killing me” I am still laughing as I type this.